When Jenny and Anne were made redundant by their organisation with little to no warning, they were both shellshocked.
After the initial blow, Jenny takes a moment to reflect, “This is not about me and anything I have done wrong—this is about the current climate and the economy.” She immediately takes stock of her current skills and the job market and updates her resume. After several unsuccessful applications, she lands a new role.
Anne, however, gets angry when provided the information and remains angry – she feels she is in shock and denial. “How could this happen to me? They obviously never really liked me.” Her focus is on failure rather than on future opportunity which leaves her feeling helpless and hopeless.
I’m sure we have all felt like either Jenny or Anne during various challenging experiences in our lives.
The stress we experience can often define who we are and also our response. But if we are feeling the effects of stress long after the event has passed, we need to consider how we are reframing this stressor and developing our personal resilience. It is our ability to not only bounce back, but also bounce forward in the face of challenges that is going to allow us to really reach our personal potential and manage our mental health.
So how can we develop the skills to feel less vulnerable, be more flexible and overcome the challenges we can all experience in our lives?
Consider a great exercise from positivepsychology.com to take some specific action when faced with stressors to enhance your resilient responding.
As One Door Closes, Another Opens
“The only thing that is constant is change” is a famous quote by the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus. Indeed, life is constantly changing and evolving. This means that from time to time, everything we thought was constant in our lives was likely to change. We may lose a job, a relationship may end, we may move house, a big goal changes etc.
Another way of expressing this feeling of loss is that a door is being closed. However, the end of one thing is always the beginning of something new. We have the option to stay focused on what is not here anymore (the doors that have been closed), or become aware of the new avenues that unfold.
We also can consider playing an active part in opening those new doors. The end of something also has the opportunity to create new positive things which can unfold if we take proactive action.
Consider thinking about a time in your life where someone rejected you or you missed out on something important or when a big plan collapsed. These would be points in your life where a door closed. Now think about what happened afterwards: what doors opened? What would have never happened if the first door didn’t close?
Now, as you reflect upon your experiences ask yourself:
▪ What led to the door closing? What helped you open the new door?
▪ How long did it take you to realise that a new door was open?
▪ Was it easy or hard for you to realise that a new door was open?
▪ What prevented you from seeing the new open door?
▪ What can you do next time to recognise the new opportunity sooner?
▪ What were the effects of the door closing on you? Did it last long?
▪ Did the experience bring anything positive?
▪ Which character strengths did you use (or could you use) to help you open a new door?
▪ What does a closed door represent to you now?
Want to know more about building resilience and opening more doors? Send me an email at michelle@bakjacconsulting.com to enquire about coaching and /or training to build your personal strategies.
Michelle Bakjac is an experienced Psychologist, Organisational Consultant, Coach, Speaker and Facilitator. As Director of Bakjac Consulting, she is a credentialed Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF) and a member of Mental Toughness Partners and an MTQ48 accredited Mental Toughness practitioner. Michelle assists individuals and organisations to develop their Mental Toughness to improve performance, leadership, behaviour and wellbeing. You can find her at www.bakjacconsulting.com or michelle@bakjacconsulting.com
