Sometimes our emotions can just get the better of us. We have all “lost it” from time to time and if we are going to establish positive relationships, we need to feel we have the ability to regulate our emotions and be in the “driver’s seat”.
So, try these three strategies to enhance your emotional regulation (ER)
Pay Attention to Positive Events
A common and unfortunate habit is to pay more attention to negative, rather than positive events and experiences.
We are often inclined to focus on one item of bad news among numerous other examples of good news, or a single criticism among multiple compliments.
When you find your attention singling out or honing in on the negative elements of an incident, make a conscious effort to stop. It may take some effort, but try to draw your attention back to the positive aspects instead.
One helpful way to practice your ability to refocus is by making time for a positive experience each day and consciously recognising the positive aspects of it.
Consider one of the following activities to purposefully schedule you’re your day:
· Taking a walk in nature
· Catching up with a friend
· Listening to a favourite album or artists
· Cooking and savouring your favourite food
· Curling up with a great book
· Exploring the countryside or city
· Doing something kind for someone else
· Taking a long bath
Try to include one or more positive experiences into your daily routine and with regular practice, you will build up your ability to focus on the positive.
Fact-Checking
With hindsight, everybody can recall times when they have blown things out of proportion, perhaps reacted in a certain way or overemphasized one specific aspect of a situation.
Fact checking is a technique that allows us to bring intense emotions back into proportion.
Use these three simple questions to fact-check your situation when you find yourself experiencing a negative feeling in the moment:
1) What happened that gave rise to the emotion?
2) What am I assuming about this experience, or what explanations am I giving myself in my head?
3) Are my feelings proportionate to the reality of these circumstances? Or are they more related to my assumptions and interpretations?
P.L.E.A.S.E.
Our physical and mental states impact on each other – if you’re physically unwell or unhealthy, you’ll have a tougher time regulating your emotions.
Use this P.L.E.A.S.E. acronym as a reminder of how taking care of your body will positively influence your mind.
P – Treating Physical Illness
E- Eating healthily
A Avoiding mood altering Drugs
S – Sleeping well
E - Exercising
Opposite Behaviour
Our behaviours are usually associated with feelings or emotions that we experience. For example:
■ When we feel sad, we might become quiet or look for a way to be alone.
■ If we are feeling annoyed, we might snap at someone or get aggressive.
The physical sensations we feel in response to our emotions can often drive our behaviours, and as such, doing the reverse can play a role in altering that emotion.
■ If sad feelings generally cause you to retreat inside yourself, try calling a close friend to talk instead.
■ If you usually snap at a colleague when you feel annoyed, try taking a deep breath and giving them a genuine compliment about something instead.
Consider listing the most typical behaviour you show in response to a few common negative emotions.
In the far right column, describe the opposite behaviour or name the action that you would like to try instead.
Want to know more about regulating your emotions? Ask me how. Send me an email at michelle@bakjacconsulting.com to enquire about coaching to build your personal strategies.
Michelle Bakjac is an experienced Psychologist, Organisational Consultant, Coach, Speaker and Facilitator. As Director of Bakjac Consulting, she is a credentialed Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF) and a member of Mental Toughness Partners and an MTQ48 accredited Mental Toughness practitioner. Michelle assists individuals and organisations to develop their Mental Toughness to improve performance, leadership, behaviour and wellbeing. You can find her at www.bakjacconsulting.com or michelle@bakjacconsulting.com
