We have all been in one of "those" situations before. It may be the person at work that drives you crazy gives you negative feedback, or the project you have been working on for months gets shelved, or a customer “bites your head off”.
We could choose to shout, get annoyed and overtly show our annoyance or displeasure, but in the workplace in particular, this could really harm our professional reputation as well as both our and other people’s productivity.
Stressful situations are all too common at present. In our workplaces, we are facing budget cuts, staff layoffs, new WFH arrangements and department changes. It may become harder and harder to manage our emotions under these circumstances, but it's even more important for us to do so. After all, organisations and leaders are going to particularly want to retain those individuals who work well under pressure and can manage their emotional responses.
We need to remember that no matter what the situation is, you're always free to choose how you react to it.
So, how can you become better at handling your emotions, and "choosing" your reactions to bad situations? Consider some of the most common negative emotions experienced in the workplace – and how you can manage them productively.
Why are we focusing only on negative emotions? Well, most people don't need strategies for managing their positive emotions. After all, feelings of joy, excitement, compassion, or optimism usually don't affect others in a negative way. As long as you share positive emotions constructively and professionally, they're great to have in the workplace!
Common Negative Emotions At Work
Bond University professor of management Cynthia Fisher has conducted a study called "Emotions at Work: What Do People Feel, and How Should We Measure It?"
According to Fisher's research, the most common negative emotions experienced in the workplace are as follows:
· Frustration/irritation.
· Worry/nervousness.
· Anger/aggravation.
· Dislike.
· Disappointment/unhappiness.
Below are different strategies you can use to help you deal with each of these negative emotions.
Frustration/Irritation
Frustration usually occurs when you feel stuck or trapped, or unable to move forward in some way. It could be caused by a colleague blocking your favourite project, a boss who is too disorganized to get to your meeting on time, or simply being on hold on the phone for a long time.
Whatever the reason, it's important to deal with feelings of frustration quickly, because they can easily lead to more negative emotions, such as anger.
Here are some suggestions for dealing with frustration:
· Stop and evaluate – One of the best things you can do is mentally stop yourself and look at the situation. Ask yourself why you feel frustrated. Write it down and be specific. Then think of one positive thing about your current situation. For instance, if your boss is late for your meeting, then you have more time to prepare. Or, you could use this time to relax a little.
· Find something positive about the situation – Thinking about a positive aspect of your situation often makes you look at things in a different way. This small change in your thinking can improve your mood. When it's people who are causing your frustration, they're probably not doing it deliberately to annoy you. And if it's a thing that's bothering you – well, it's certainly not personal! Don't get mad, just move on.
· Remember the last time you felt frustrated – The last time you were frustrated about something, the situation probably worked out just fine after a while, right? Your feelings of frustration or irritation probably didn't do much to solve the problem then, which means they're not doing anything for you right now.
Worry/Nervousness
With all the fear and anxiety that comes with increasing numbers of changes in the workplace, it's no wonder that many people worry about their jobs. But this worry can easily get out of control, if you allow it, and this can impact not only your mental health, but also your productivity, and your willingness to take risks at work.
Try these tips to deal with worrying:
· Don't surround yourself with worry and anxiety – For example, if co-workers gather to gossip and talk about job changes, then don't go there and worry with everyone else. Worrying tends to lead to more worrying, and that isn't good for anyone.
· Try deep-breathing exercises – This helps slow your breathing and your heart rate. Consider 4 Square breathing. Focus on your breathing, and nothing else. Do this at least five times.
· Focus on how to improve the situation – If you fear job changes, and you sit there and worry, that probably won't help you. Instead, why not brainstorm ways to bring to enhance your productivity, and demonstrate your value?
· Write down your worries in a worry log – If you find that worries are churning around inside your mind, write them down in a notebook or "worry log," and then schedule a time to deal with them. Before that time, you can forget about these worries, knowing that you'll deal with them. When it comes to the time you've scheduled, conduct a proper risk analysis around these things, and take whatever actions are necessary to mitigate any risks.
Anger / Aggravation
Out-of-control anger is perhaps the most destructive emotion that people experience in the workplace. It's also the emotion that most of us don't handle very well. If you have trouble managing your temper, then learning to control it is one of the best things you can do if you want to enhance relationships and demonstrate your value.
Try these suggestions to control your anger:
· Watch for early signs of anger – Only you know the danger signs when anger is building, so learn to recognise them when they begin. Stopping your anger early is key. Remember, you can choose how you react in a situation. Just because your first instinct is to become angry doesn't mean it's the correct response.
· If you start to get angry, stop what you're doing – Close your eyes, and practice the 4 square deep-breathing. This interrupts your angry thoughts, and it helps put you back on a more positive path.
· Picture yourself when you're angry – If you imagine how you look and behave while you're angry, it gives you some perspective on the situation. For instance, if you're about to shout at your co-worker, imagine how you would look. Is your face red? Are you waving your arms around? Would you want to work with someone like that? Probably not.
Dislike
We've probably all had to work with someone we don't like. But it's important to be professional, no matter what.
Here are some ideas for working with people you dislike:
· Be respectful – If you have to work with someone you don't get along with, then it's time to set aside your pride and ego. Treat the person with courtesy and respect, as you would treat anyone else. Just because you perceive this person behaves in an unprofessional manner, that doesn't mean you should as well.
· Be assertive – If the other person is rude and unprofessional, then firmly explain another opportunity to communicate that could enhance your relationship. Remember, set the example.
· Consider any Strengths – There may be some attributes that you find difficult to work with about an individual, but consider everyone has personal strengths. How could you reassess what this individuals’ strengths are and focus on those during your interactions?
Disappointment / Unhappiness
Dealing with disappointment or unhappiness can be difficult. Of all the emotions you might feel at work, these are the most likely to impact your productivity. If you've just suffered a major disappointment, your energy will probably be low, you might be afraid to take another risk, and all of that may hold you back from achieving.
Here are some proactive steps you can take to cope with disappointment and unhappiness:
· Look at your mindset – Take a moment to realise that things won't always go your way. If they did, life would be a straight road instead of one with hills and valleys, ups and downs, right? And it's the hills and valleys that often make life so interesting. So, recognise the power of the word… YET. I haven’t got there..yet.
· Adjust your goal – If you're disappointed that you didn't reach a goal, that doesn't mean the goal is no longer reachable. Keep the goal, but make a small change – for example, delay the deadline.
· Record your thoughts – Write down exactly what is making you unhappy. Is it a co-worker? Is it your job? Do you have too much to do? Once you identify the problem, start brainstorming ways to solve it or work around it. Remember, you always have the power to change your situation.
· Smile! – Strange as it may sound, forcing a smile – or even a grimace – onto your face can often make you feel happy (this is one of the strange ways in which we humans are "wired.") Try it – you may be surprised!
Want to know more about managing your emotional responses? Send me an email at michelle@bakjacconsulting.com to enquire about coaching to build your personal strategies.
Michelle Bakjac is an experienced Psychologist, Organisational Consultant, Coach, Speaker and Facilitator. As Director of Bakjac Consulting, she is a credentialed Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF) and a member of Mental Toughness Partners and an MTQ48 accredited Mental Toughness practitioner. Michelle assists individuals and organisations to develop their Mental Toughness to improve performance, leadership, behaviour and wellbeing. You can find her at www.bakjacconsulting.com or michelle@bakjacconsulting.com
