Your emotional intelligence is not your personality.

While personality can shift and evolve over time, it, for the most part, is a combination of fixed traits.

Let’s call your personality your core, since it’s the core of who you are, how you think, and what you do.

Surrounding your core is what we call your crust.

Think of your crust as your emotional intelligence. It surrounds, and, when used appropriately, enhances your personality.

The key difference between your core and your crust, your personality and emotional intelligence, is that emotional intelligence is a learnable skill.

Emotional intelligence isn’t something you’re either born with, or you aren’t. While your core is solid and somewhat fixed, your crust definitely isn’t.

You can strengthen it, develop it, and improve it.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathise with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed in life and  work, and achieve your career and personal goals. It can also help you to connect with your feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to you.

Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:

1. Self-management – You're able to control impulsive feelings and behaviours, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.

2. Self-awareness – You recognise your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behaviour. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.

3. Social awareness – You have empathy. You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.

4. Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

Consider answering these questions to see how you would rate your personal Emotional Intelligence.

1)   Do you take time to get to know yourself?

Understanding how emotions affect your behaviour is the first step to managing your feelings effectively.

2)   Do you think before you speak?

Emotionally Intelligent people take a moment to think before they give a response. They don’t make a permanent decision based on temporary emotions.

3)   Do you dwell on negative thoughts?

People with high EQ work hard to replace unwanted thoughts with more positive or realistic ones.

4)   Do you learn from negative feedback?

Accepting criticism can be difficult. Emotionally Intelligent people listen to their critics and ask, “what can I learn from this?”

5)   Do you recognise your strengths and weaknesses?

Emotionally Intelligent people have a balanced view of themselves. That’s why they can accept criticism without taking it personally.

6)   Do you show empathy?

Instead of judging or labelling the thoughts and motivations of others, Emotionally Intelligent people strive to understand them.

7)   Do you practice self-care?

People with high EQ take time out of their day to focus on themselves. They know they perform better when they have had a chance to rest and recharge.

8)   Do you focus on what you can control?

Everyone faces situations which are outside of their control. People with high EQ focus on what they can influence: their reactions, habits and priorities.

Want to enhance your emotional intelligence? Get in contact with Michelle Bakjac via email at michelle@bakjacconsulting.com to enquire about coaching and training to develop your key skills to manage and regulate your emotions more effectively.

Michelle Bakjac is an experienced Psychologist, Organisational Consultant, Coach, Speaker and Facilitator. As Director of Bakjac Consulting, she is a credentialed Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF) and a member of Mental Toughness Partners and an MTQ Plus accredited Mental Toughness practitioner.  Michelle assists individuals, teams  and organisations to develop and improve performance, leadership, behaviour, resilience and wellbeing.  You can find her at www.bakjacconsulting.com