When it comes to communication, I think many people have it wrong when they are trying to build relationships or enhance their leadership capability.
Often leaders feel they can have the most impact if they are generous with their expertise and are willing to provide their knowledge freely and ‘tell” people what they need to know and how they need to create outcomes. They see themselves as the “expert” and are willing to impart details, indicating… “you just have to ask me.”
Others feel that listening is the best strategy and will sit in silence, nodding occasionally while another person tells them all the issues they are having and how perhaps frustrated they are with what they are experiencing.
Now don’t get me wrong, there is some value (albeit limited) in these strategies. But for me, the real value in developing relationships and gaining tangible outcomes from communication is in the power of asking questions.
Asking the right question is at the heart of effective communications and information exchange. By using the right questions in a particular situation, you can improve a whole range of communications skills. You can gather better information and learn more, you can build stronger relationships, lead people more effectively, and most importantly help others to learn.
Asking great questions and allowing people to feel you are actually interested and are capable of their own learning is at the heart of genuine recognition of employees.
Gone are the old ways of building relationships and leading teams where one way communication and “telling” others was all that was required. The new way forward with leadership is coaching with great questions. When we ask people questions with genuine curiosity: “tell me more?”, “what was that experience like?”, “what did you learn from that?”, “explain that to me?”, “what did you enjoy most?” – a totally different dynamic is created. People feel that you actually want to know more about how they feel and why they feel that way.
Just consider the opportunity of asking great questions if you are trying to provide performance feedback. You could provide information and statements such as:
“You don’t seem to be fitting into the team”
“You don’t seem to be part of the team”
“it appears you don’t work well in this team”
Or you could come to the conversation with a positive intent and genuine interest to understand and ask questions:
“Tell me how you feel about working as a member of this team?”
“What do you feel a positive team looks like?”
“What strengths do you feel you bring to this team?”
“How do you feel you could work at your best as a member of this team?”
Which method do you feel will enable the greatest conversation and the most positive outcome to enhance your relationship with this team member and create a positive outcome?
When we are leading, we try and set direction, provide vision and build engagement. But if we want the relationships within our team to be maximised and allow individuals to feel that they are genuinely recognised for their own capability as an individual, then we need to ask more questions. We need to adopt more of a coaching style, where we ask curious questions in a supportive yet challenging manner to assist people identify their own personal goals so they can achieve their outcomes.
Want to know more about coaching and asking great questions? Get in contact with Michelle Bakjac via email at michelle@bakjacconsulting.com to enquire about coaching and training to develop your strategies to build better relationships in the workplace.
Michelle Bakjac is an experienced Psychologist, Organisational Consultant, Coach, Speaker and Facilitator. As Director of Bakjac Consulting, she is a credentialed Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF) and a member of Mental Toughness Partners and an MTQ Plus accredited Mental Toughness practitioner. Michelle assists individuals, teams and organisations to develop and improve performance, leadership, behaviour, resilience and wellbeing. You can find her at www.bakjacconsulting.com
